My Topless Rights: A New Way To Fight The Speedo

I have searched high and low for a way to stop hubby from wearing the Speedo…I may have found it just today at gotopless.org.

There is a group, gotopless.org that may be the answer to the Speedo dilemma. In my search for an answer, I came across a group for women to fight for their right to go topless in public places. It was reported that hundreds turned out to join the recent protest in California.

What an interesting way to get my point across about the Speedo….if Hubby has the right to show it all with the tiny red suit, then perhaps I’ll join the fight at gotopless.org for the right to bare my chest…….Ah Ha…

GoTopless.Org says "as long as men can be topless, constitutionally women should have the same right, or men should also be forced to wear something hiding their chest." I may contact them about adding a comment on Speedos….LOL

During the march for bare chests, protesters, many of whom wore plastic nipples over their clothes as a sign of their cause, argued that topless women are more pleasant to look at than some men who remove their shirts in public with no legal repercussions. Perhaps I will add to the cause at gotopless.org by sending the picture of Hubby and suggest they include the fight against Speedos in their agenda.

Of course I have seen some women who should refrain from the bare chest exhibition…..but I think Hubby might get the picture if I showed up at one of the pool parties with no top…….maybe I’ll even take pictures….LOL

There's always a new cause.....LOL

GoToppless.org Venice Protest

Speedo Anonymous

There is ‘AA’….Why not ‘SA’?

As promised previously, I am starting a movement...Who knows maybe it will catch on....

I personally think that the families of habitual Speedo wearing men are a public sector that deserves a support group to change men’s behavior and save the family from further embarrassment.

I am thinking of starting one and these would be my top 5 steps to become ‘clean’ from the Speedo.

The "SA' bylaws:

1.) Admit that you are powerless over the Speedo.

Speedo abusers who come to my group will have to wear their Speedo, stand in front of the group and admit that they have a problem.

‘SA’, however will not be as kind as other support groups. Family, friends and other group members will be allowed to taunt the new members to give them a dose, to their face, of what people really think about their Speedo.

2.) Take a critical look in the mirror.

This step will also be completed with the aid of the group. In order for the habitual Speedo wearer to understand the reason friends and family are so embarrassed they will be critiqued by members while looking in the mirror.

This is because the man with a Speedo problem does not see themselves the way others do.

3.) Make a list of all of those who have been directly harmed by Speedo wearing.

Most people that have been harmed by the Speedo don’t tell the offender, they tell the family members.

So the family members of the abuser will help him make the list. Wives will be #1 on the list.

4.) Tell each person how sorry you are and mean it.

Habitual Speedo wearing can damage relationships with friends and family as well as scare little children.

The abuser will need to whole heartedly take responsibility for his actions and mend broken fences in order to continue a normal relationship with those he has offended.

5.) Spread the word and throw away the Speedo.

In order to have successfully completed the 'SA' program for habitual Speedo use, the man in question would have to educate others on the error of their ways and the harm it can cause.

The final step in the program is to have a ceremony for discarding the Speedo, by any means that completly destroys it, to signify the end of its use forever.

Of course, these are the words of my frustration with my own Speedo wearing husband and not to be compared with support groups that are real.

However, I may have stumbled on to something that could be of service to many wives who deal their husband’s obsession like I do.

US Freestyle Relay Team Smokes The French: Now Hubby Wants A One Piece Speedo

As written in previous installments, I have a hubby who loves the ‘Speedo”….can’t get him to get rid of it. And now the US upset in the 4x100 Freestyle finals, with the dynamos Michael Phelps, Gale, Jones and Lezak putting to rest the trash talking French team, has led hubby on a quest for the body suit Speedo.

Hubby is a previous…..and I mean quite a while ago, competitive swimmer who gets his swimming exercise now by balancing his beer on his stomach while on the pool raft. We were watching what has been quoted as “The greatest freestyle relay ever” on TV…..The excitement was intense in my household as hubby still follows the sport. Then the win!!!! Lezak looked at the scoreboard, and then leaped out of the water with an emphatic fist pump.You would have thought the world was ending!

Version of the race from China:

We then settled in for all the post race interviews:

From Fox Sports:

Watch the American version of the race here:

Exclusive Summer Olympics news & widgets at NBC Olympics.com!

"Unbelievable," said Phelps, who swam the leadoff leg and then became the team's biggest cheerleader. "Jason finished that race better than we could even ask for. I was fired up. Going into that last 50, I was like, 'Aw, this is going to be a close race.' Jason's last 10 or 15 meters were incredible."

"You could tell I was pretty excited," Phelps said. "I lost my voice and I was definitely pretty emotional out there." A fingertip did the victory," said Amaury Leveaux, one of the French swimmers. "It is nothing."

"I knew I was going to have to swim out of my mind," Lezak said. "Still right now, I'm in disbelief."

"I never lost hope," said Lezak, who trains alone but has been a longtime stalwart on the relay team. "I don't know how I was able to take it back that fast, because I've never been able to come anywhere near that for the last 50."

While “our guys” got crazy up on deck, hubby noticed that the French swimmer, Bernard, who trashed talked of beating the Americans, was clinging to the wall, his head down. Hubby, by this time is almost in tears and announces the quest for the bodysuit Speedo “to ramp up his personal game”.

I, trying to be a good wife, subdued my inner laughter as even if the suit had a built in motor Hubby could, especially now, not keep up with these superior athletes. Hubby wouldn’t exercise, much less train, at 5:00 AM if the house was on fire.

So now the quest for the new breed of Speedo begins thanks to the amazing 4x100 relay finals (Congratulations Guys!). I am happy for my countries amazing athletes and for their triumph. However, I am sad that there is now a new Speedo fixation for Hubby…..UGH….

Top 5 Solutions To Get Rid Of The Speedo

The lengths I would go to, to get him to stop wearing it.

Hubby's Speedo has become a link to his youth, a sort of security blanket if you will.

Although I guess a more accurate description, due to the shortage of material, would be a security napkin.

That brings me to my list of things I would make out of the Speedo for hubby so he could still have it around if he agreed to stop wearing it.

1.) A hat for his dog.

Hubby loves his dog almost as much as his Speedo. The top two places on his list of things he cares about are taken up by those and the kids and I come later on the list.

So if hubby would give up wearing his Speedo I would make a cute little hat for the dog out of it. That way his two favorite things would be together in one place. However, there may be some objection from the dog.

2.) A headband for Hubby.

My husband seems to be comforted somehow by his old worn out Speedo. So if he would stop wearing his ‘man bikini’; I would make a headband out of it and gladly let him wear it out.

It would be much less embarrassing than a tiny bathing suit being worn by a middle aged, out of shape guy.

3.) Fashionable blue jean patches.

Hubby is a construction worker and it always wearing holes in his jeans. He has one favorite pair that he wears to work regularly that have numerous patches.

If he would let me, I would patch them with his wonderful Speedo so he could essentially wear it everyday.

4.) A memorial wall plaque.

I would even go as far as having the stupid Speedo bronzed and placed on a plaque to get him to stop wearing it.

However, I don’t think I would hang it anywhere to obvious.

5.) I would wear it.

To stop the embarrassment of my husband being mocked and laughed at, I would wear the stupid thing. After all, it looks like a woman’s bikini bottom and no one would know the difference.

That way hubby could have it close to him without the family being shunned.

I come up regularly with ideas to present to my husband to get him to stop the Speedo madness. How far would you go to get your husband to stop wearing his?

The Top 5 reasons Speedos Should Be Illegal

My campaign to stop the ugliness!

Well, I haven't writtn in awhile, we've been on vacation.....but I felt it was time for an update.....

"Ciao!" from the beautiful shores of southern Spain. Here I am again with a new intense desire to have Speedos outlawed.

Hubby and I were recently visiting family in Spain, and if Hubby needed a reason to wear his awful Speedo he got it here. It seems to be almost expected that the men on the beach here barely cover themselves. They all wear Speedos!

I seriously am considering starting a fund to help stop the destruction of beautiful beaches with the terrible sight of mammals in Speedos.

The Reasons:

1.) Pot Guts.

Seriously……why would a man (or anyone) who looks like they are 9 months pregnant think they are attractive in a tiny bathing suit?

The answer to this question is allusive. Men with pot guts, including Hubby, should realize that a Speedo is not there best choice.

It mucks up the scenery.

2.) Jelly Bellies.

Everyone has seen a jelly belly being exposed when it shouldn’t be and it’s even worse a top a Speedo. Jiggling and shaking, it’s frightening, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t look away.

It’s almost like watching a train wreck that you can’t stop.

3.) Big Butts.

When one is trying to tan on the beach, there is nothing quite like a man with a huge behind, wrapped in a skin tight Speedo standing above you.

Ugh, the torture of it all, rolls popping out everywhere. Things the size of the side of a building should be covered completely and leave most of it to the imagination!

This could cause a heart attack.

4.) Tiny Privates.

This one is hard to know whether to feel sorry for the person or disgusted at the fact that you can see everything.

Really….I prefer to not have the serenity of the beach interrupted by my own laughing.

The quiet is threatened by loud outbursts.

5.) Huge Privates.

I am by no means a prude and enjoy the site of a well put together man but I don’t want to feel as if I am being attacked by sea snakes on the beach.

If you have to tuck ‘things’ in on a regular basis….you shouldn’t be wearing it.

People can’t watch the waves if they are already queasy.

I will update all of you when I start the ‘outlaw Speedos’ foundation and I hope you will join the cause.

5 Reasons a Speedo Wife Cries

Silent suffering....

Hello fellow Speedo wives from sad, sad me. By now you probably all know that I have a husband that’s not in great shape and won’t quit wearing his ridiculous speedo. I realize this may now sound like I'm whining....but I'm just trying to let the rest of you Speedo wives know you're not alone.

It’s a sad state of affairs when a wife suffers silently about this dreaded piece of cloth called a Speedo and I have 5 top reasons why I cry myself to sleep. So Speedo wives....know that you're not alone!

1.) Summer is coming again.

When summer rolls around you can bet that the Speedo will be taken out, dusted off, be prepared for wearing and causing embarrassment.

There are ads all over the TV stating that it’s time to put in a pool. Hubby states, "We should get one so we can have everyone over". Well, not over my dead body (they wouldn’t come anyway)! I hide money and say, "Sweetie we just don’t have it this year".

I cry because I lie.

2.) He thinks he’s Mark Spitz.

Mark Spitz, gold medal winner at the Olympics years ago, had a great body and still looked stupid in a Speedo.

My husband, by no stretch of the imagination, looks like Mark Spitz, but thinks he does. He proudly struts his stuff for everyone to see with this lovely Speedo and doesn’t care who is around He sees himself totally different than everyone else, so...

I cry because the mirror lies.

3.) Our friends don’t invite us anymore.

When our friends have a gathering where swimwear is required, John and I are left off the invitation list.

Honestly, who could blame our friends, who will remain nameless to protect the innocent, for not wanting Mr. Sausage around at their party?

I cry because I miss all the fun.

4.) He posts his picture on the internet.

Hubby actually sent a recent picture of himself to a Speedo contest, which wouldn’t have been so bad except he sent pictures of the family.

Now not only are our close friends laughing at us….the whole world is.

I cry because I’m ashamed.

5.) He’s thinking of buying a new Speedo.

As if the old worn out one that he already has isn’t enough, Hubby has just found an even skimpier type of Speedo to sport around. Yes fellow Speedo wives….he’s considering the lethal "G" string.

I swear I will bankrupt us first before he gets any money for that, and...

I cry because I’ll have to get my food at the food bank.

So fellow Speedo wives….I’m sure my list of reasons I cry myself to sleep isn’t much different than yours. I will be mounting a movement soon...so watch for that.

The Painful Life Of A Speedo Wife

Do you have a banana hammock wearing husband like me?

I have been wondering just how many other women share the secret torture of having to be seen in public with a husband who proudly wears a Speedo.

I am a relatively attractive woman who is married, has children and tries to be an example to my family. My hubby on the other hand is a construction worker who enjoys adding to his beer belly with his buddies after work.

Hubby must have a magic mirror.

As well, hubby seems to see himself in a totally different light than anyone else. He actually still wears his 10 year old bright red, shiny Speedo in public. I guess he still sees himself as the young swim team captain with the stealth body who was required to wear those skimpy bathing suits.

However the reality of the situation is this….. his gut hangs over the Speedo so far that you can hardly see it and he doesn’t have his young butt any longer either. It’s so embarrassing to go anywhere that there is a possibility of bathing suits being worn…because out comes the ridiculous speedo.

Everyone has tried to get rid of the Speedo.

I’ve tried to talk to him nicely about how silly he looks by saying things like..."Wow... you should really treat yourself to some new swim wear because you work so hard for us". He doesn’t get it… I’ve tried bringing home some regular surfer shorts but he says they slow him down in the water….What? This excuse really baffles me because he only wades around now… he could carry a brick in his pocket and it wouldn’t slow him down anymore.

Our friends pull me aside when we go to pool parties and tell me to get him to put something else on because there are kids around that keep asking what he has in his pants….. UGH….. They even got to the point where they were openly laughing at him, but he refuses to pay attention.

I think hubby loves the Speedo more than me.

Now when friends are having a pool party or beach get together we are not invited. That stupid Speedo has taken on a life of its own. At times I feel as if it is his mistress.

It's Like This....According To Me...

I can’t seem to compete with the snug hug the bright red, shiny Speedo gives him. So if you have a banana hammock wearing husband like me, please let me know how you have gotten your hubby to throw it away or how you hold your head up in these situations.