The Painful Life Of A Speedo Wife

Do you have a banana hammock wearing husband like me?

I have been wondering just how many other women share the secret torture of having to be seen in public with a husband who proudly wears a Speedo.

I am a relatively attractive woman who is married, has children and tries to be an example to my family. My hubby on the other hand is a construction worker who enjoys adding to his beer belly with his buddies after work.

Hubby must have a magic mirror.

As well, hubby seems to see himself in a totally different light than anyone else. He actually still wears his 10 year old bright red, shiny Speedo in public. I guess he still sees himself as the young swim team captain with the stealth body who was required to wear those skimpy bathing suits.

However the reality of the situation is this….. his gut hangs over the Speedo so far that you can hardly see it and he doesn’t have his young butt any longer either. It’s so embarrassing to go anywhere that there is a possibility of bathing suits being worn…because out comes the ridiculous speedo.

Everyone has tried to get rid of the Speedo.

I’ve tried to talk to him nicely about how silly he looks by saying things like..."Wow... you should really treat yourself to some new swim wear because you work so hard for us". He doesn’t get it… I’ve tried bringing home some regular surfer shorts but he says they slow him down in the water….What? This excuse really baffles me because he only wades around now… he could carry a brick in his pocket and it wouldn’t slow him down anymore.

Our friends pull me aside when we go to pool parties and tell me to get him to put something else on because there are kids around that keep asking what he has in his pants….. UGH….. They even got to the point where they were openly laughing at him, but he refuses to pay attention.

I think hubby loves the Speedo more than me.

Now when friends are having a pool party or beach get together we are not invited. That stupid Speedo has taken on a life of its own. At times I feel as if it is his mistress.

It's Like This....According To Me...

I can’t seem to compete with the snug hug the bright red, shiny Speedo gives him. So if you have a banana hammock wearing husband like me, please let me know how you have gotten your hubby to throw it away or how you hold your head up in these situations.