Top 5 Solutions To Get Rid Of The Speedo

The lengths I would go to, to get him to stop wearing it.

Hubby's Speedo has become a link to his youth, a sort of security blanket if you will.

Although I guess a more accurate description, due to the shortage of material, would be a security napkin.

That brings me to my list of things I would make out of the Speedo for hubby so he could still have it around if he agreed to stop wearing it.

1.) A hat for his dog.

Hubby loves his dog almost as much as his Speedo. The top two places on his list of things he cares about are taken up by those and the kids and I come later on the list.

So if hubby would give up wearing his Speedo I would make a cute little hat for the dog out of it. That way his two favorite things would be together in one place. However, there may be some objection from the dog.

2.) A headband for Hubby.

My husband seems to be comforted somehow by his old worn out Speedo. So if he would stop wearing his ‘man bikini’; I would make a headband out of it and gladly let him wear it out.

It would be much less embarrassing than a tiny bathing suit being worn by a middle aged, out of shape guy.

3.) Fashionable blue jean patches.

Hubby is a construction worker and it always wearing holes in his jeans. He has one favorite pair that he wears to work regularly that have numerous patches.

If he would let me, I would patch them with his wonderful Speedo so he could essentially wear it everyday.

4.) A memorial wall plaque.

I would even go as far as having the stupid Speedo bronzed and placed on a plaque to get him to stop wearing it.

However, I don’t think I would hang it anywhere to obvious.

5.) I would wear it.

To stop the embarrassment of my husband being mocked and laughed at, I would wear the stupid thing. After all, it looks like a woman’s bikini bottom and no one would know the difference.

That way hubby could have it close to him without the family being shunned.

I come up regularly with ideas to present to my husband to get him to stop the Speedo madness. How far would you go to get your husband to stop wearing his?

5 Reasons a Speedo Wife Cries

Silent suffering....

Hello fellow Speedo wives from sad, sad me. By now you probably all know that I have a husband that’s not in great shape and won’t quit wearing his ridiculous speedo. I realize this may now sound like I'm whining....but I'm just trying to let the rest of you Speedo wives know you're not alone.

It’s a sad state of affairs when a wife suffers silently about this dreaded piece of cloth called a Speedo and I have 5 top reasons why I cry myself to sleep. So Speedo wives....know that you're not alone!

1.) Summer is coming again.

When summer rolls around you can bet that the Speedo will be taken out, dusted off, be prepared for wearing and causing embarrassment.

There are ads all over the TV stating that it’s time to put in a pool. Hubby states, "We should get one so we can have everyone over". Well, not over my dead body (they wouldn’t come anyway)! I hide money and say, "Sweetie we just don’t have it this year".

I cry because I lie.

2.) He thinks he’s Mark Spitz.

Mark Spitz, gold medal winner at the Olympics years ago, had a great body and still looked stupid in a Speedo.

My husband, by no stretch of the imagination, looks like Mark Spitz, but thinks he does. He proudly struts his stuff for everyone to see with this lovely Speedo and doesn’t care who is around He sees himself totally different than everyone else, so...

I cry because the mirror lies.

3.) Our friends don’t invite us anymore.

When our friends have a gathering where swimwear is required, John and I are left off the invitation list.

Honestly, who could blame our friends, who will remain nameless to protect the innocent, for not wanting Mr. Sausage around at their party?

I cry because I miss all the fun.

4.) He posts his picture on the internet.

Hubby actually sent a recent picture of himself to a Speedo contest, which wouldn’t have been so bad except he sent pictures of the family.

Now not only are our close friends laughing at us….the whole world is.

I cry because I’m ashamed.

5.) He’s thinking of buying a new Speedo.

As if the old worn out one that he already has isn’t enough, Hubby has just found an even skimpier type of Speedo to sport around. Yes fellow Speedo wives….he’s considering the lethal "G" string.

I swear I will bankrupt us first before he gets any money for that, and...

I cry because I’ll have to get my food at the food bank.

So fellow Speedo wives….I’m sure my list of reasons I cry myself to sleep isn’t much different than yours. I will be mounting a movement soon...so watch for that.

How sick of people are you?

This new blog will be a place to investigate just how ridiculous people can be. As well I will share my views on how I think the rules should be set up to make the world run more smoothly.

You may agree with me....you may think I'm out of my mind....either way...post your opinion.

We are just getting under way...so check back frequently for new posts....and send me your views, funny ideas, stories about goofy people or something outrageous that happened to you.

This is the world.... and It's like this... according to me!